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Sam Dobson Writes: My "Ideal" Future

Friday, September 30, 2011

My "Ideal" Future

I am happy to announce that we have a new addition in our family. No, I am not pregnant. My sister just gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby girl. My niece Ava was born Thursday September 22, at 11:20pm, weighing in at five pounds and seven ounces. Baby Ava brings my sister’s little family up to four. My niece Sage was born in March of 2007. They are your typical cookie-cutter family. They are beautiful and happy.
I have always been on the fence about whether or not I want to have children. It is funny how quickly you can pick a side of the fence when you are sitting in the hospital with a day old newborn baby in your arms. There is something truly magical about babies. Suddenly you can imagine that you are cradling your own baby and you are sure that you will be in that hospital bed with your newborn in your arms one day. Despite the emotional experience of my second niece being born, I am still on the fence about having children of my own.
When I brought home my second pup, the first thing my mother said to me was “you’re never going to have children”. I know she was joking, but I silently contemplated this notion. I want to have kids; I can picture them in my future. But that is my “ideal” future that I see them in. My future children are right there next to my future husband. This is the same future where I have my dream job of working in publishing. When I question this “ideal” future, I question whether or not I will have children. I want to have a career that I can be happy in and proud of. I fear that the longer it takes me to achieve this goal, the less likely I am to have children.  I have always wanted to be a somewhat young mother if I have kids. I think I need to stop worrying about timelines. A big part of me feels that I should be at least engaged, on a career path with growth, and certain on having children by now. This brings me to my worries about my birthday this year…the big 25. Ah, I can’t get started on that now…I’ll ruin my whole day with such worries.
Until next time,
Sam

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