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Sam Dobson Writes: Relationship 411: Time, Love, and Taboo

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Relationship 411: Time, Love, and Taboo

     Time is one of the more frustrating aspects of life, something we cannot control. We cannot pause our life when we need a break. There is no rewinding back to happier times, nor are we able to fast forward through the tough parts. Time can be fleeting, leaving you grasping for one more precious moment. Time can be abundantly annoying, causing boredom and restlessness. Time brings amazing moments and heart-wrenching grief. The only thing consistent about our time as humans is that it ends. This is a known fact. So why is it, that so much time is wasted? Everyone is guilty of it, whether it be a few wasted moments here and there, or a lifetime of waste. Even the tiniest fractions of time hold infinite amounts of potential. Every moment is an opportunity for passion, kindness, adventure, excitement, heartache, sorrow, thrill, danger, and love. 
     The common cliché, “live in the moment” is often spoken but rarely practiced. Humans, especially Americans, live a life constrained by rules regarding time. We have deadlines and appointments. So much time is spent doing the strenuous and mundane. Many would argue that a great deal of our time is spent on love and passion. This may be true, but how freely can we love and share passion when there are so many rules involving time. Social views play a strict role in the way we share ourselves with each other. There is a whole industry dedicated to telling us how to manage our relationships. Millions of dollars are spent on books, movies, talk shows, counseling, and seminars, all claiming to possess the answers to relationship problems, offering advice, and issuing guidelines.

Relationships and Time Advice

      While the rules regarding time and relationships fill our heads, conflict usually sets up camp in our hearts. These relationship taboos change our behavior and keep us constantly on our toes. We might turn away on the first date, when really we want to go in for that first kiss. We wait three days to call while fighting to not pick up the phone. We dwell on what is the appropriate number of dates before we give “it” up. Any one who has been in love, or at least infatuation, can tell you that all this fretting is very exhausting. The plus side to this nonstop analyzing: these rules regarding love and time help to keep us grounded. The taboos keep us from jumping too quickly, putting out too early, and getting too vulnerable too early in the relationship.
      So how do we find the right balance between restraint and freedom? When is it too early to get engaged and when has it been so long that we are dragging our feet? Those are the questions that everyone seems to have an opinion about. However, I would argue that all of these taboos and rules are personal. What I would consider too fast would be just the right pace for many others. What some might consider promiscuous, others would argue its just a little fun. Some relationships are monogamous and some are polygamous. Who is to say what is the right way or the right pace?

       I guess when it comes down to it, we each have to do what feels right for us. If you want to kiss on the first date, you shouldn’t have to dwell on it or explain yourself. The trick is to adjust society’s rules and taboos regarding relationships and time to fit your own life. In the end, you have to find happiness with the decisions you make. Sometimes, letting yourself fall head over heals can be the beginning of the rest of your life. Sometimes, cautiousness pays off. Those are the gambles we take in the game of love. We should stop worrying so much about what others perceive of our relationships. Life is short, time forever fleeting. Take the chances you are willing to take and always remember that life (and love) is what you make it.
Until next time,



At March 21, 2012 at 11:10 AM , Blogger QueenBeeto3 said...


At March 21, 2012 at 12:53 PM , Blogger Krista said...

Gorgeously written.

At November 1, 2014 at 11:37 AM , Blogger Sam Ulmer-Dobson said...

Thanks pretty lady :)


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