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Sam Dobson Writes: The Truth about "Soul Mates"

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Truth about "Soul Mates"

              One of my best friends recently got engaged to her boyfriend of about six years. I couldn’t be happier for them. Of course with that happiness comes a tinge of jealously. That’s only natural, right? Not jealousy in a catty way, just in a “can’t wait for that to be me” way. I would argue that kind of jealousy is allowed.

            Engagements and marriages always get me thinking about love and our society’s take on relationships. We are supposed to meet someone, fall in love, marry them and have a bunch of kids. I’m not going to even get into the fact that there are hundreds of other cultures who participate and treat relationships differently. Instead of diving into that hours-long discussion, I am going to focus on the “meet someone and fall in love” part. Who is this “someone” that we fall in love with? Many would call this person “soul mate” or “the one”. This is where I get off the hopeless-romantic train.

            Call me a pessimist, realist, or whatever you want, but I simply do not believe in soul mates. I am not discussing the religious aspects tied to souls and soul mates. I am simply talking about soul mates relative to love. The idea of a soul mate argues that there is just one person, one counterpart for each person. And this one person is the one you are supposed to be with, the one you can live happily-ever-after with. If that’s true, the chances of finding your soul mate would be zero to none. Thus, the chances of you living happily-ever-after are zero to none. How can this be in a world completely concerned with love?

            The answer is that this theory of soul mates is kind of bullshit. Sorry to be brash, but it is a theory that brainwashes us into thinking what we have isn’t enough. Most relationships form between coworkers, classmates, people who have a familiarity between them. Relationships form between people who have fair chances of meeting each other. I know plenty of people would argue that there are tons of relationships that sprout out of chance meetings. I agree, there are those very, very rare instances where two people meet who would normally never cross paths, but those are few and far in between. My point is, the soul mate theory dissected and examined would have you believe your relationship or marriage with your high school sweetheart is not true love.

Truth about Soul Mates

            I would argue that it isn’t about finding “the one”, it’s about finding the one who will love you for who you are, treat you like a queen, and make you happy. Unfortunately, this doesn’t sound as romantic as a chance meeting between you and your one counterpart, but this is real and this reality can be beautiful too. The truth is that there are probably a number of people on this earth that you could fall in love with and have a happy life with. The trick is accepting the reality of love, while letting yourself float up to the clouds every once in a while. The reality of love is that it mostly happens close to home, it can appear and disappear like magic, and it can take a lot of work. While working on that love, embrace it. Let yourself lounge on cloud nine when you get that first kiss, when you move in together, when he gets down on one knee, and all those other real life moments that make your relationship like a fairytale.

Love can be a sensitive subject, especially when you get down to the little details. I guess what I am trying to say, without sounding like Debbie-downer, is to forget what our society says love should be. If you are in a healthy relationship and truly care about each other and respect each other, that’s all that matters. Ignore the pesky voices telling you this isn’t spectacular enough. Remember that even common everyday meetings can be magical. If you chose not to take that class, not to ride that bus, to go to a different coffee shop, etc, your life and your relationship would be different. Falling in love is amazing no matter how it happens and that is all that matters.

Until next time,



At October 30, 2014 at 9:46 AM , Blogger Erika Grediaga said...

I agree with you that love comes in many different shapes and sizes. And sometimes it is very easy to mistake hot-incensed passion for love -- but it is not. I've been in two long relationships in my life, and one of them was very intense, crazy and passionate, the other one very fulfilling in many aspects of my life, not just the passionate side. Guess who I married? An intense flame ends up burning faster...

At October 30, 2014 at 10:02 AM , Blogger BusyBee said...

Whenever a friend says they found their soul mate I start an over/under on how long it will last. But I AM a cynic.

At October 30, 2014 at 12:47 PM , Blogger Angela Price said...

Love is definitely not a fairytale, but in all of the good and bad you share and strength you gain when you come through things together. Thanks for sharing!

At November 1, 2014 at 11:35 AM , Blogger Sam Ulmer-Dobson said...

I hear ya! I married the sweetest man on Earth and I used to date "bad boys". I couldn't ask for a better husband because I married a "good boy". Thanks for reading!

At November 1, 2014 at 11:36 AM , Blogger Sam Ulmer-Dobson said...

Hey, we are all guilty of that! I'm sure all of my closest girlfriends do the same. Doesn't mean we won't support them though. Thanks for the read!

At November 1, 2014 at 11:36 AM , Blogger Sam Ulmer-Dobson said...

Couldn't agree with you more, Angela. Thanks for the read!


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