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Sam Dobson Writes: September 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

My "Ideal" Future

I am happy to announce that we have a new addition in our family. No, I am not pregnant. My sister just gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby girl. My niece Ava was born Thursday September 22, at 11:20pm, weighing in at five pounds and seven ounces. Baby Ava brings my sister’s little family up to four. My niece Sage was born in March of 2007. They are your typical cookie-cutter family. They are beautiful and happy.
I have always been on the fence about whether or not I want to have children. It is funny how quickly you can pick a side of the fence when you are sitting in the hospital with a day old newborn baby in your arms. There is something truly magical about babies. Suddenly you can imagine that you are cradling your own baby and you are sure that you will be in that hospital bed with your newborn in your arms one day. Despite the emotional experience of my second niece being born, I am still on the fence about having children of my own.
When I brought home my second pup, the first thing my mother said to me was “you’re never going to have children”. I know she was joking, but I silently contemplated this notion. I want to have kids; I can picture them in my future. But that is my “ideal” future that I see them in. My future children are right there next to my future husband. This is the same future where I have my dream job of working in publishing. When I question this “ideal” future, I question whether or not I will have children. I want to have a career that I can be happy in and proud of. I fear that the longer it takes me to achieve this goal, the less likely I am to have children.  I have always wanted to be a somewhat young mother if I have kids. I think I need to stop worrying about timelines. A big part of me feels that I should be at least engaged, on a career path with growth, and certain on having children by now. This brings me to my worries about my birthday this year…the big 25. Ah, I can’t get started on that now…I’ll ruin my whole day with such worries.
Until next time,
Sam

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Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Never-Ending Battle

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the constant battle for self acceptance. You know what I am talking about, those pesky insecurities that never seem to go away. Not that my insecurities don’t randomly pop up periodically and quite frequently, but they have constantly been on my mind the past few weeks. The reason: a quickly approaching Vegas vacation. You are probably thinking “So what?” Well, my boyfriend and I are going with some of his family members that I have not met before for a birthday. It is important to me to make a good impression, and who doesn't want to look good in Vegas?

I know most people wouldn’t understand why I let this get to me, and half the time, neither do I. Of course I am not going to concern my entire trip around these annoying insecurities and comparisons that I create in my head. But they have led me to diet for the past few weeks and worry about my wardrobe. I am not a superficial person, but I am a normal 24 year old woman who wants to feel pretty. What woman doesn’t want to feel comfortable and confident? If you come across a woman who denies such desires, she is lying.
We all want to feel confident. It is engrained in human nature. We want to appear smart, or pretty, or rich, or whatever it is that makes us feel confident. Our insecurities are what get in our way. Confidence itself is beautiful. When you feel confident, you feel like nothing can stop you. So why do I have such a hard time mustering up that very important confidence? Not saying that I don’t ever feel confident, because I do. There are days when I feel very pretty, or circumstances that make me feel very intelligent. It just seems that those times where confidence is lacking are more frequent and more damaging.
I’ve read articles in magazines where women gush about how they finally found self acceptance in their thirties or forties. I wonder if that is a pattern for women, if I will finally reach that goal of total confidence. I guess I am a pessimist because I have come to terms that there will probably always be something about myself that I won’t like. The uphill battle is to not let my insecurities pull me down, not let them keep me from going after my dream job, or marrying my dream man. The lesson to learn is to not let those insecurities, whatever they may be, stop you from going after your dreams. Muster up confidence in yourself and in theory, we should be able to obtain any goal.
There are some words of inspiration to start your weekend.
Go get ‘em!

Confidently yours,
Sam

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