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Sam Dobson Writes: You are Beautiful!

Monday, March 26, 2012

You are Beautiful!

Good Morning Loyal Readers,

I'm sure you are all thrilled to be starting the work week. Just teasing. I hope you had a good weekend. Mine sucked, to be honest. Aside from working all weekend, the only highlight was a date with my boyfriend on Friday night. We had a lovely dinner out, with just the right amount of wine, and we saw 21 Jump Street. I hadn't been out to see a movie in a while, too expensive, but we had been saving two tickets we received over the holidays. It just seemed like a good night to cash them out. I picked the movie, having heard it was really funny. Jonah Hill and Tatum Channing did not let me down. It was very funny and I was laughing for most of the movie.

It was a struggle though, my focus was elsewhere. The opening scene is Jonah Hill getting rejected by a beautiful girl back in high school. My boyfriend leans over to me and whispers that he cannot believe this girl is in a movie. Confused, I ask him who she is. Big mistake. He replies she is a girl he used to "hang out with". He went so far as telling me her name, which of course I internet stalked later and he wasn't mistaken, this was the same girl. Lovely, something for me to mull over for weeks. Nevertheless, the laugh-out-loud movie helped to drown out my misery. The second the movie was over, I was pulled back to reality.

Ugh. There just really isn't another way for me to describe what I was feeling or what I thought about the whole situation. My very sweet boyfriend knew something was wrong, the bubbly ambiance of the date was gone and the quiet brooding had taken its place. During the silent car ride home he apologized for bringing her up and asked if I was mad. Of course I wasn't mad. What was there to be mad about? How dare you have had relations with other girls before you even knew I existed! Ridiculous, but I was hurt and didn't have the energy to attempt to explain it to him.

My boyfriend is not only incredibly sweet and thoughtful, but he is also very good looking. He has been described by some of my friends as a Ken doll. In the past I have always steered clear of pretty guys. I never wanted to be in one of those mismatched relationships where clearly one partner is no where near as good looking as the other. Sounds very shallow, doesn't it? Well, I am being honest. I am one of those people who believes everyone is beautiful, that beauty is more about who the person is rather than what they look like. However, I am much harder on myself. I have never felt pretty enough to be on my boyfriend's arm. I know, woe is me. Get over it, Sam! That's what I keep telling myself, but I never listen. I will dwell on it until it slowly fades away to the back of my mind, then something will happen and it will pop right back up again.

I know it's pathetic to compare myself to his previous girlfriends, who all appear to be the complete opposite of me. I should look in the mirror and be happy with that girl staring back at me. When my boyfriend tells me that I am beautiful and that he doesn't want anybody else, I should believe him. My insecurities need to take the back seat and let me enjoy my relationship and my life. We all have our insecurities, whatever they may be, and we all struggle to overcome them. I need to learn to let the past go and stop comparing myself to girls who have failed where I am currently succeeding. You don't have to tell me, I know it's unhealthy to constantly focus on your self percieved flaws. We should be focusing on our strengths.

We are all beautiful in our own unique ways. It's about recognizing it in ourselves. Look in the mirror and give props to that beautiful person smiling back at you!

Stay beautiful,

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