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Sam Dobson Writes: Our Boyfriends' Epic Failures

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Our Boyfriends' Epic Failures

This is an advisory label, so to speak, before you begin to read this. To my dearly cherished best friends, some of you are in this post, but fear not, your names will not be. I would warn your current or previous boyfriends, but I doubt they will be reading this; some of them will also  make an appearance in this post. Aha! Got you curious, didn't I? Well, you'll just have to read on.

This story begins yesterday when I received a rather humorous mass text from one of my best friends, let's call her Mary. Mary and her boyfriend, we'll call him Mark, just got back from a weekend getaway upon which he behaved like an ass. Knowing he was in the dog house, Mark apologized the best way possible; he had flowers delivered to Mary at work. Sweet, right? Let's go back to that text message my girlfriends and I received yesterday; It was a picture of a dog made out of carnations. Anyone close to Mary knows that she isn't all that fond of dogs and that carnations aren't her favorite flower, not by a long shot. Despite the epic fail, I reminded Mary that it is the thought that counts, not the arrangement. Still, the doggie bouquet seen around the world did make for a good laugh amongst best friends.

The flower debacle isn't the first time Mary had received questionable gifts from a beau. A previous boyfriend of hers, we can call him Board Game Nazi, was by her side when she completed her Masters degree. Such a special occasion calls for a special gift, like a crystal make-up brush. Wait, what? A single crystal make-up brush that is to be looked at, not used. Apparently he got Mary confused with his grandmother.

Mary isn't the only lady to have boyfriends who simply crash and burn when it comes to gifts. Another best friend of mine, code named Sally, got possibly one of the worst presents ever from her boyfriend during their first Christmas together. Sally's boyfriend, code named Steve, got her a pair of size eight men's golfing shoes. She doesn't golf and a size eight men's shoe won't fit her. Steve, to his credit, didn't realize they were men's shoes instead of women's and has continuously made it up to Sally with each birthday, anniversary, and Christmas that has come to pass.

It may seem as though I am picking on my friends' boyfriends, but I assure you I am not. I have also fallen victim to poorly thought out gifts. A previous boyfriend of mine did so good for my first birthday with him that I never thought there would be an issue. Complete with a surprise party and a digital camera, I was very impressed. A few weeks later at Christmas, that confidence was no where to be found. Having just suffered through my birthday, expenses were tight for him. I very excitedly unwrapped a tiny package to find a thong underwear with a very naughty phrase on it, which I won't share here for the benefit of parents that may be reading. It would probably make them shudder to their core. Anyways, the inappropriate panties were supposed to be a joke, the very adorable boxer puppy that I gifted him, was not. Perhaps sensing that even a simple card would have been better, this boyfriend learned from his epic fail and did not disappoint in the future.

We aren't shallow, we are best friends (basically sisters) so we share everything with each other. There is no embarrassment and no judging. We know that these men have the best of intentions and we don't blame them. Men can be dense and they have to be taught if they haven't been already by mothers and sisters. You have to casually slip into conversation the name of your favorite flower early on in the relationship. You have to drop hints like crazy, even if you feel like you are being obvious; I promise you, you aren't. Sometimes, there is no other option than to simply tell them what you would like for your birthday. Even so, this is all material. It is what is beyond the material that matters. These men love us, so much so that they probably racked their brain for hours trying to come up with the best gift idea. These feelings are what's important, not what is under the wrapping paper.

Graciously yours,



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